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More Vanilla Thoughts 
"When these times happen, I am there, to help out,
even if it is simply to listen..."
As you can see our relationship is a lot of work. We communicate, we work on ourselves and check to see how it effects each other. It is a working relationship. There is no one I know that has been married as long as we have, and still kiss and say I love you at the end of a phone call. It is spoken as a sacred vow and communicated through our love.
We both realize our weaknesses and our strong points, and instead of trying to force a square peg through a round hole we work to learn and grow on a individual level, to experience life, not be barred because someone else may not think it is inappropriate. If I am doing something wrong, it's me that has to answer to God at the pearly gates not anyone else.
Through all this my wife as worked through the struggles of becoming a submissive, she has been criticized for different things that she as done. She has helped many people with the proper ways to act or react to different situations. She has been a net to many a 'fallenangel' and has tried to help them. Through it all she has grown.
I see the pain in her eyes as she weeps because she has been able to help someone else but she is left high and dry. I have seen her laugh as she finds herself in another person. I have been here when she has come down from a cyber high or a rough RT session. I know what goes on. We all grow through our experiences, what we need to learn is how to use that growth in a positive nature.
I get sad when I hear of a person that keeps trying to understand and they just don't get it. They try and they try and then they throw their hands up and say, "I can't do it." You really can, you just need to look at the situation in a different way. Go about it until you get to a point
of understanding.
I cry inside every time my wife cries because she has been dumped
by some wannabe Dom, or when she starts trusting in a person and then they let her down. I know it is all a growing process that we need to go through.
When these times happen, I am there, to help out, even if it is to
listen, give my opinion, my thoughts on the problem. Maybe all I can do is give a hug and a kiss on the forehead. I watch as she works through the lifestyle, I know she is learning things that some people would never experience in a life time. Some just don't know what they are missing.
When My wife first started going to sessions I was concerned. I was scared. I really didn't want her to go, but I knew that by standing in
her way it was only going to make things worse. It would tear apart everything that we have worked for. I went through the thought process of am I doing something wrong, is this really what I want, is this really what she wants. Can I change this if it goes too far?
My mind works over time to try to rationalize my decision. But when it is all over and everyone is home again. I realize that everything is okay. The world is still round and the love that we have worked on for so long is still there. She has just found a piece of life that I can not provide for her. I want her to experience life and the ways of the world. She's not a doll that I set on a shelf and look at every day and never play with. I can say that my feelings for her have grown threefold within the last two years.
Our relationship is unique. We spent a lot of years caring and loving each other through some very tough times. We came to a point that we were not sure if either one of us could stand to be around the other. Then, through those hard times we realized that we were loving each other too much, caring for each other too much. We had taken ourselves and each other for granted. So we never stopped loving each other, which I have seen in many relationships, we just loved each other too much.
We thought we would lose each other if we loosened our grip. Some may think that we loosened it too far but I don't believe so. You need to know your lover, your mate, your partner. You need to know them in ways that everyone else doesn't. They may keep things from you or they may not tell you the whole story. But after you have been together for a while you can feel it. That's the funny part of love that people can't get comfortable with.
I love my wife so much that I want her to experience the best of life. She spent almost seven years closed up in our house. She didn't want to leave, she didn't want visitors. Through our love and willingness to stick together and work it out, we came through an experience that I really hope no one else will ever face in their lifetime. It taught us that we can be strong in the times when we are the weakest. I have trust
in my wife and know that we can work through anything that comes our way.
© 1997 Higgs
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