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VanillaThoughts Too~
"A good marriage is one which allows for change
and growth in the individuals and in the way
they express their love."
--Pearl Buck
I remember one night, when my wife and I were in bed and she had this "dominant streak". She was exploring and trying to see where
she fit in, which side of the group did she want to draw from. In the middle of some heavy petting, she turned me over and held my hands and started to spank me. The first and only words out of my mouth were, "You do that again and I will deck you." Needless to say, we both found out that I was not the submissive type. Although through other experiences, I have learned some things that make our love
life interesting.
After reading more and starting to understand, I attended some meetings and/or gatherings online, and decided that I wanted to try
to be a Dominant. If you can't beat them, join them. I learned about being a Dom. However, through some very awkward times I realized that I just didn't have the depth of thinking to be a Dominant. I did learn a lot about myself and how I think. I also learned about how I really did want to accept the lifestyle. I have met people that have been in the Lifestyle 10+ years and those that are days old in to it. They are all just like everyone else on the street, they have lives, they have families, and most of them get out of bed and put there clothes on just like I do every morning.
For a long time, as my wife grew in her submission and learning more about herself, she would involve me in people she met and sessions. Even though I wanted to learn, I found it hard to continue. I believe somewhere in that time frame is when I realized, that my wife and I were individuals. We had separate thoughts, wants, and desires. I thought long and hard about this. I love my wife and would never allow her to get hurt or endanger herself in anyway physically or emotionally. I realized that we both think in a different way. We loved each other, had sacrificed a good portion of our lives with each other, and I was not going to lose her or my love for her.
I think the most important thing in our relationship is our openness to each other. We communicate on a different level then other couples. We work as a team and support each other in our endeavors. We have built a trust, that is very strong and have had it challenged many times. Our love and caring for each other and our family is so much more important in our lives now then it has ever been. We are up front and honest with each other about our feelings. A true communication. We know realistically that just like any form of communication, it breaks down. We are constantly working and reworking the communication between us.
Marriage is a commitment. It doesn't mean that you are locked into a box and unable to experience life as you would like to. I own nothing, but my wife's love and trust and the bond that grows between us. I will say since I have come to accept the lifestyle, our sex life has been the best it has ever been.
When my wife and I first got involved in D/s, we laid out some very strict rules. Some we have since relaxed, and some we have strengthened more as we have grown and learned. We communicate with each other and I know when she is going to session with or meet someone for lunch.
We have an agreement that during encounters there will never be vaginal intercourse. We both feel very strongly on this issue. Vaginal intercourse is a sacred event between my wife and I. No one gets past that line.
We also talk about her sessions, not the details or physical aspects, but about the emotional impact it had, how did it work, was it what she was looking for. My wife also discusses with me the people that she is interested in becoming a dominant to her. I give my opinion and let her make her decision. All of these things are equally important in maintaining the love and trust in our relationship.
© 1997 Higgs
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